Alright then. You feel yucky in relationship with him because he does not met your needs in relationship and he twists your loving words. Being with him makes you question your own sanity. Rather than ask WHY he does that poor conduct toward you -- could ask self WHAT does staying in this relationship bring me? HOW am I looking out for my best healths by staying? Is this healthy for me?
He's broken up with you twice and you end up feeling yucky each time he breaks up with you. At this time he is not willing or able to accept your love. At this time he is not willing or able to give YOU love in a way that meets your needs in a healthy way.
Could stop fishing here and setting yourself for MORE dings from this man. But you don't.
Could ask yourself WHAT is your unwillingness to STAY broken up about? Is your current logic along the lines of...
"I feel yucky with him. I feel yucky without him. I may as well feel yucky WITH him then so I don't have to be alone at least."
Is that it?
Or something else? Please clarify.