IP and wildflowers, thank you for your stories.
I've been thinking about what you both wrote.
I think the key for me is that I need to fel that I CHOOSE my behavior in this. Wether it is going to the hospital and sit with my parents, or tell them 'no I can't make it today but I'll be there the day after tomorrow'
If I choose, and make decisions for myself, I resent being with them less - and when I don't go, I feel less guilty.
It's very true that I do not and should not expect support from them. They've never given it and they are not going to give it now.
Ren says I need to talk about myself more often when I'm with them. Just claim a litte space where my story gets to be told. But without expecting them to respond, care, of commiserate or whatever - just tell my story, be a presence, insted of someone who would rather be somewhere else.
I have an amazing group of people around me who love and support me and who are there for me. Hell, there are even strangers on the internet sharing their stories with me, to help me.
It's so strange to me that the way I am livng my life (completely open, reaching out, daring to be vulnerable, making deep and meaningful connections) is the exact opposite of how they raised me and how I behave with them.
Maybe Ren is right and I will feel better if I bring more of myself into the relationship - without any expectations, mind you.
Lots to think about.