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Old 08-02-2013, 07:40 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 483
Default Dating and the talk about 'attraction'

A little background:
I never dated much, met my husband when I was very young. When I started dating a couple of years ago, I had a very practical approach: Usually already on the first date, I would tell the guy wether or not I was attracted to him and could see something more than friendship - or I would kiss him by the end of the date, sort of to let him know the same thing without words

After getting together with my BF's C (now ex) and MrBrown, I hardly dated for almost a year and a half. Now I'm back on OKCupid, and actively dating - had 2 dates this past week.

I find my approach has changed and I wonder why, and was wondering how other 'daters' approach the issue of 'is there physical attraction and do we need to talk about this?'

I had a date earlier this week with a very cute smart funny guy. But for some reason I did not dare to bring up the 'hey I like you do you also like me?' question. It felt good at the time to just let things be. I wasn't sure if he was interested in me. But we've been in touch through email and texting. Last night we texted and I asked 'so are you interested in more than just chatting?' and he teased me about being so fortright and said 'you'll find out when we get together again' and other things that made it pretty clear that yes he is, but for the fun of it, is not admitting it now.

Last night I had another date with a guy I've been emailing with quite a bit. We have a lot in common and the conversation was very easy, natural and fun. However I felt zero attraction...
He sent me a message this morning saying he's looking forward to meeting me again. I think I would like to see him again (though not immediately) as a friend, but now am worried should I tell him that I can't see anything but platonic friendship between us?

Short version:
do you explicitly talk about sexual attraction (or the lack thereof) with new people, which makes things clear but sort of takes away some of the fun and mystery, or do you let things develop (with the danger that there are misunderstandings)?
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF

Last edited by Cleo; 08-02-2013 at 07:51 AM.
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