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Old 08-02-2013, 03:15 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868


Originally Posted by learningpoly View Post
... there's a little homonculus inside me screaming "How can she even be interested in anyone else when she has ME?!"

I recognize that I'm totally full of myself so I don't need to be chastised. I would just like some constructive advice on getting into the right frame of mind.
If you are REALLY arrogant, the way to turn it around is - "Go ahead, just let her TRY to find someone as awesome as I am. She will realize that I am just about the best there ever was." If you were truly arrogant it wouldn't even bother you that she was interested in someone else, because you would be so CERTAIN of your own superiority that it would just be a matter of time until she came crawling back to the awesome-ness that you epitomize. So, to me, in that statement, there is that little bit of doubt - "But...what if she finds someone better?"

BTW - I really like MR's answer:

Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
I too am supremely awesome and interesting, so I get where you're coming from

For me, dating is framed as friendship. I don't expect a friend to only want to be friends with me. Even though I am the awesomest person in the universe, my friends should have other friends, right?
I think that there is a middle road between "Arrogance" and "Insecurity" - it's called "Confidence."

I am smart, capable, interesting, successful human being. Sure, there are people better than me at some stuff but the vast majority of that stuff is not important to me. If it is important to me, perhaps I would like to meet those people so they can teach me to be as awesome as they are. But I am still better at this other stuff than they are...and why does it matter anyway? Why bother with this competition crap - when I could be enjoying my partner(s) and their awesome-ness.

"How can she even be interested in anyone else when she has ME?!"

Granted that you are awesome. Presumably she is awesome as well. So, it seems reasonable that there are other awesome people in the universe. Having found one - why wouldn't she want to find more? Why not surround yourself with awesome people? Do you get a cookie for being the awesome-est? (No, you do NOT get a cookie, you are not even guaranteed of some chick's fickle affection ... the cheese stands alone - in it's awesome-ness - congratulations, you win .")


PS. Sorry, I got a little meta-referential there - this "Sweet-Tea Vodka" has me on a serious stream-of-consciousness binge, I should bow out...but I'll let the post stand in case someone else can make sense of it. (Damnit - am I turning into Dirtclustit...NOoooooo! )
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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