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Old 02-07-2010, 04:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by booklady78 View Post
He has a very different view on the words 'I love you' based on his own experience with them. They mean little to him and are associated with the pain of previous relationships that went badly.
Hi Booklady,

If I can help from a guys perspective I'll try. Not so much from my own but just from living in the 'mans' world.

It was interesting you hung the second post out because that was ONE of the possibilities I would have brought up. I'm sorry that's been his experience of 'love' - but it's 3 words in a longer sentence......

One other possibility is this......
Those 3 little words are often understood differently by men because they have a history of having a lot of conditions potentially attached. The words have been abused by so many over the years. Such as....

I love you BUT.........
If you really loved me you would............ etc

So some might relate it to that often discussed fear of commitment !
Your BF has obviously been trapped in that situation in the past as he explained to you. He's wary of what that term might get him in to !
You have to respect that. And like you said (wisely) pressing for it may make it seem just that much more of a trap.
You're right, love isn't about words - it's about actions. It's just as common to hear people throw around all the "love yous" and then act entirely differently. So be grateful

And rest in the assurance that if you ever DO hear it - it will come from a new & different understanding of the words. And that will be a cause for celebration.

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