When there is Love or a Genuine Respect
Patience and understanding really goes a long way, and it's crazy because like that old saying "Love thy Neighbor as Yourself" means a lot of different things to different people, as words alone or always subject to interpretation.
But they are powerful words when interpreted one way over another. Because it is not necessarily "love" that is the advice, but rather "understanding".
For instance, many people have trouble just being OK with polyamory. It easy to understand how you can have sexual desires for others, and it does not change how you feel about your spouse. Where people have trouble is understanding how their spouses desires for others does not change their love for them.
so when you put your understanding of your feelings the same as someones else, or to be more clear "Understand thy neighbor as you understand yourself" can make a world of difference
Because our emotions as humans are often strong, sharp and intense, and they are exactly what gives Human beings a greater potential for intelligence, so it really does not good to attempt to disregard them or act without knee jerk reactions, but you definitely want to know, recognize, and understand those sharp emotions
first experiences of any non-monogamous relationships are overwhelming and it's so easy to become confused, the worst thing you can do is lie to yourself or others which only complicates and causes more confusion. If you allow yourself the time to figure it out (which happens a lot sooner when you can be open and honest as opposed to keeping secrets or out right lying) then you will always be confident you are making the right decision. As that is what clarity gives you
So many people torture themselves and never realize that if they were just a little more patient, everything would've worked out. If you find yourself struggling after the NRE wears off, the in no point in suffering unless you are all committed to seeing it through.
Doing that sometimes take more patience, hardwork, and understanding than most people are willing to do, but it is really frustrating when you see people go through so much for so long and then give up, no realizing how close they were to coming to an understanding of each other. That understanding can make all the difference in the world. It can go from nightmare to dreams in one day, as it wasn't the 24 hours that changed anything
If you can be honest with your gf without using truth as a weapon, and she is willing to show more patience and understanding in the beginning than she would normally view a relationship as being worth that much effort, you will come through.
It's just hard to know whether or not your are attempting it with the right people.
If you are, it will be worth it,
but there is nothing wrong with dating more casually too,
But it sounds like you are past that stage, and I sound like a broken record, but you don't have to worry about a taking action to fix your dilemma if you are honest with your lovers and they are patient with you, and it helps if you try to understand them as you understand yourself.
How long should you be patient with someone?
I don't know, but it should be clear to you when patience has run out, so trust yourself to know
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 08-01-2013 at 01:14 AM.