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Old 07-31-2013, 01:25 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Well, my lawnmower won't start. I'm waiting for P to get home so we can have dinner (Reubens! Yum!), and then go work on our cars (oil changes) and try to get the mower started and the "north forty" cut.

In the meantime, let's see if I can fill in some of the stuff I haven't been able to get to.

<announcer> When last we saw YouAreHere, she was looking forward to meeting M2 for dinner. Let's see how that meeting went. </announcer>

We picked a local Mexican place for the meeting - their food is amazing, and the lounge is a good place for sitting around and shooting the shit without feeling the waitstaff hover over you so they can turn the table. P and I met up a bit early and waited for M2. The upside to being early? A margarita to help the conversation go a bit easier. The downside? Too many warm, tasty, really crispy, fresh, slightly oily but not yucky-oily, salty chips with freshly-made salsa… mmmmmmmmmm…

Oh.

Yeah, where was I?

So we waited for M2. P got the text that she was parking, and suddenly what felt like a slight excitement turned into my heart jumping out of my chest, into my mouth, and refusing to leave. My nerve-o-meter went from a 4 to about a 12 instantly, and I really, really wanted to suck down the beer the waitress had just put next to me. I refrained. And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Okay, the parking lot wasn't that big. Nerves gave way to confusion as I wondered if she went to the wrong town…

But no. Siri directed her to the wrong spot, so it took a bit longer for her to arrive. The nerves had already set in, though, and I was firmly in "OMGOMGOMGOMG" territory, even though I couldn't put my finger on why, exactly.

Luckily, when she arrived, she didn't bother with the "I'm here" text, and just walked in. I had no time to really "OMGOMGOMG" myself into a tizzy, and she walked in, we hugged, and started off the night.

Conversation-wise, it really didn't go too much deeper than small talk, although we swapped some fun stories (traffic is always good for the "Oh yeah, I almost died when…" conversations). She and I have friended each other on FB, and we've seen each others home renovation pictures, and we talked about that.

When I'm nervous - really nervous - I tend to REALLY get chatty. Awkward silences toss me for a loop, and I like to keep the conversation moving. I noticed my "tells" as I got a bit louder, talked faster, and didn't let the silences hang for too long. Not much I could do about it, but I recognized it, and figured I probably looked a bit frazzled (I was told later that I didn't, but at the time I felt like I was really telegraphing it).

We ended the night with a trip to the ladies' room, natch, and on our way back, I mentioned that it was nice to finally meet her, and hey, sorry for the awkward "eeeeeh" feeling. She admitted to feeling it too, we shared a laugh, and the night ended. P walked her to her car, then walked back to mine.

And while I was waiting in my car, the emotional crash came. Completely unexpectedly.

As P walked over to my car, I just felt the overwhelming emotional bubble pop, and I started to tear up. No idea why. We talked a bit, decided we should probably head home where we could break out the hookah, sit on the couch, and talk much more comfortably, and we drove off.

Cutting to the chase, after a lot of talking, I think I finally settled on it being a combination of "meeting the new person" (which wouldn't have been so bad on its own), along with the fact that it's been a Vee relationship for a while now. I've gotten used to that, and actually fairly comfortable with that. And now, we've taken a left, and here's this whole new world that P is a part of. When I don't feel like I quite fit into that world (except through P), it's intimidating as hell. Here's Mono Chick, wandering through Poly Land.

It's funny, too, because in the beginning, it seemed like the original Vee was SOOOOOOOO much to handle. There are still hurdles, but for the most part, it's comfortable now. M1 and I are getting along pretty well, and spending time together as friends, and the routine has gotten… well… routine!

This is new. Not only a new GF, but one who is married to someone M1 is now starting to date. Someone who is part of the local Boston-area "Poly Community". Suddenly that Vee has grown into something else, and yeah, it really does feel intimidating to me.

As an aside, that's why I come here - because it's my own personal foot in a poly community, without P. And I appreciate the fact that I'm not treated as "Ew, who invited the Mono chick."

P wants me to be a part of his life, however. And I want to be part of his. So "fitting in" be damned (Hell, it never stopped me before). Here I go.

More later… P's home now. And the damned mower started right up when Mister Broad Shoulders pulled the starter. Guess I'd better start strength training. D'oh.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk

Last edited by YouAreHere; 07-31-2013 at 11:02 AM. Reason: Gotta love when you think you've posted, and you're sitting there on the "Preview" page. Derp.
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