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Old 07-30-2013, 07:12 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by darkwillows View Post
Based on the decor in the room in the video it became clear that he did this while he and K were mono.
So you are angry that you learned someone you are currently dating had sex with someone without permission while they were in a monogamous relationship? This is something that happened in the past, yes? This is something that happened when he was in a relationship which had nothing to do with you, right?

I understand that it can be shocking to discover that someone you know very well has done something, in the past, which is against your moral code. However, I think it is valuable to keep things in reasonable perspective and not let yourself surrender entirely to knee-jerk emotion.

Originally Posted by darkwillows View Post
I cannot even begin to understand the kind of person who would do such a thing.
Someone who was horny, had a video tape, was not willing to deny himself the pleasure of sex with a new and willing partner, and was not willing to divulge it to his monogamous partner.

Originally Posted by darkwillows View Post
"you deserve to have a 10" rusty screw shoved down your dick." Not productive, but I felt better for saying it.
You felt good about saying this? I don't think that is a good sign.

He told a lie and had sex with a willing partner... you wished genital torture on him... would you really consider this to be the higher moral stance?

Originally Posted by darkwillows View Post
I told him, there are a few transgressions that are simply unforgivable. Cheating being at the top of the list for me.
I get that it is socially acceptable to completely lose ones mind over someone cheating. It is in basically all popular media, that you can jump up and scream, wale and gnash, call names, physically assault, ruin financial futures, abscond with their children... but is any of that rational?

As thinking adults who are accountable for our emotional outbursts we should strive to rise above this kind of reactionary zealot-ism. This person rubbed genitals with another person "without permission". How dare he... his genitals should be mutilated... right? No, of course not; that would be psychotic.

My advice? Grow up - talk to him and see what he has to say. Or leave him because you don't trust his word anymore... either way, this irrational hate is not going to help anyone.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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