Many thoughts in the past 24 hours about types of poly and open relationship styles.
One of my partners, A, is an open relationship that comes with many rules. We are going to have a sit down with the print out so I can see them all.
Here is what I know so far...
Veto ( has been wielded regularly and indiscriminately in the past )
One date per week
No sleeping with people who are cheating.
Dates not to last more than 14 hours.
No gifts, giving or receiving.
No communication with secondaries when with primary. (usually Thurs-Mon)
No kissing or holding hands in public.
No acknowledging secondaries if seen out while with primary.
Where I am with these...
Veto..really uncomfortable with this. Has been used frequently by the primary as opposed to negotiating the problems.
One date per week...Really frustrating it would be nice to take the odd trip together.( have broken this rule but not on consecutive nights)
No sleeping with cheaters: Very fair
Dates not to last more than 14 hours. He seems fairly strict on this, but we have gone a little over a few times.
No gifts, giving or receiving: We are both acts of love type people, he bought a wall mount and hanged my tv for me. I paid him for it but he did the work. Sigh
No anal. Errm, maybe we have broken this rule.
No communication with secondaries when with primary. (usually Thurs-Mon): He will reply if I ask about scheduling or some such but no chat, no phone
No sexting The odd naughty text but certainly not a full on session.
No kissing or holding hands in public. I am not into PDA so no problem.
No acknowledging secondaries if seen out while with primary I was getting my nails done when he walked in with primary. I had the most uncomfortable 30 mins sitting right next to her. I was not aware of the rule when this happened and had no idea why I was given the "shush, it's a secret". Usually they would leave a place if a secondary is there to avoid introductions but he didn't see me till they sat down.
He got his scooter fixed last week. We got me a helmet and went for a drive along the coast, had a nice dinner, band was playing and we danced on the beach and had a lovely time. Out of the blue.."This would invoke a veto."
What? Why? What are we doing? Response "I am having too much fun with you."
Why do I put up with this...I am an activity slut and love going out to do things. Bar one or 2 occasions, every date has been out and about, sailing, skating, driving, massage, ice hockey game.
Much weighing up to do.
Me: 40s female
Prof: 50s male.