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Old 02-05-2010, 10:43 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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We have 4 children. 18, 13,10 (in a couple days) and 2.5 years respectively.
Three of them live with us-the 13 year old does not. He's "in care" for psychological issues. The three who live with us know (obviously the 2 year old doesnt know all the terms, the other two do).
Prior to coming out "poly" all 4 kids were very well acquainted with GG as he's been in my life since the oldest was 18 months old. They've grown up with him as a close family member (the older 3 often referred to him as uncle).
When we came out-it was just a relief to the oldest. She had grown up seeing GG and I around one another. At 18 she was old enough to understand love, and she knows the "signs" when she see's them. So seeing us look at one another-even if no words were spoken and we didn't touch-was enough for her to know we loved each other deeply. It was easier when it was all "up and up" with Maca (her stepdad, but she claims him as just dad) because she didn't have to wonder if she was doing something wrong by not saying something even though she SAW the emotions. (Maca knew-it just wasn't talked about openly before).

The 10 yr old was struggling with "honesty" versus "lying" shortly after we decided on poly. He went to tears telling me he didn't "lie" to daddy-but he didn't talk to him because he was scared daddy wouldn't love him anymore if he told him (some stuff about needing more time with him-nothing significant in the BIG scheme, but to him it was HORRIBLY significant). I used that opportunity to tell him about how I had to tell daddy I was poly (which required explaining poly/mono).
His reaction was "well if polyamory means loving more than one person and monogomous means you only love one person then it's stupid for people to have a problem with polyamory because God said we are supposed to love everyone equally." (he's the conservative "bible thumper" in the family) He proceeded to recite a verse from the Bible to me about Loving others as Christ loved the church blah blah and explaining what he feels that means etc.
Suffice it to say-he has no issue.
In fact the other night we were playing Balderdash. One of the words was something including "poly" and "pic" in it (don't recall the exact word) he wrote the definition as "taking a picture of a polyamorous family on a car trip".
Yes he spelled polyamorous correctly on his paper.
We were stunned. He pays attention AND he's totally cool with it.

The baby knows that mommy and daddy go to bed together, and that mommy is in GG's bed when she wakes up in the morning-and she comes to get me there.
They see me kiss GG and daddy hello when they get home from work, goodbye when they leave. They see me curl up and snuggle with either of them and they are AWARE (though obviously not welcome to SEE) that I take a bath with daddy to talk most evenings and a shower with daddy before bed, as well as taking a shower with GG a few times a week.

So-for me as an adult-I think it's better all around for the kids to know (the 13 year old will know when he's psychologically stable enough to be home again).

BUT-as a 14-current age daughter-I don't give a HOOT what my parents do with their sex lives and I'm not interested in hearing about it.
I know that they are each married and love their spouses. I know my stepmother tends to a poly nature.. but if they have lovers, no idea.
No one lives with them, but if someone did-I wouldn't care.

My little sister is 16. I'm teaching her health right now, I picked up the book suggested on another thread from the scarleteen website for her. She is DEAD SET on NOT knowing ANYTHING about her parents sex life. She will talk to me about relationships and sex IN GENERAL, but specific examples of types of relationships people in her family have-grosses her out.
She did not freak out yesterday though when GG kissed me full on the mouth before work-she was sitting next to me on the couch and she's comfortable hanging out with GG and Maca and I.


To the OP-I think you might consider the post about maybe he is too busy to care. Don't try to "hide" from him, maybe just don't shove it down his throat either?

If he ASKED I would certainly not lie. That would be damaging to YOUR relationship with him. But if it's just about him knowing-let him know by life experience maybe. If he see's you with one of the others doing something that could be questioned-just look him in the eye and tell him, " all (four?) of you are aware of the dynamics and happy with them, but if he has questions you don't mind elaborating, just don't want to fill his ears with info he doesn't want about you." or something along those lines...

GS-so what do you think-would it be fostering marginalization of youth in general (not poly specifically) to blatantly hide the truth of our lifestyle from them?
I don't have an opinion on it yet... just a question that popped into my head.
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