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Old 07-30-2013, 01:00 AM
starmonkey starmonkey is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 26

Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
People I meet that I dont feel NRE with just end up friends. I can't even be FWB with someone unless I have a crush on them.
Yea - that's almost the same for me except I can usually do FWB for awhile - particularly is my lover is another man, does not seem to apply to my female partners. Historically though, I generally loose interest in a fe weeks, if not days.

Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
When you feel that you want to put your arm around her either do it or ask her if that would be okay. But not doing it because you're reading from her body language that she doesn't want that isn't fair. She may want it but not have those physical cues or she may be someone who isn't touchy feely, but does intimacy a different way. It's better to ask than assume.
You know - I'm looking back at the situation, and I cannot totally remember if I asked or not - I *think* I did, but I might just be remembering my desire to. I usually ask. Normally I would have remembered, but this was at the tail end of meeting her energetic 3 year old son, so I was somewhat tired that evening. Either way, this is something I can do the next time it comes up - so I appreciate the advice.

That said, my saying she is holding back is not totally my reading her body language (or mind reading) - she wrote me a message last week that she realized she was holding back and was usually a much more intimate person.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Now I'm remembering our previous conversation. If you don't feel anything romantic for this person but you do have some kind of intellectual interest in them then that's just a friend. Even if you have sex every now and then or whatever, that's still just a friend in my opinion. Not that there is anything wrong with having friends, just that they are different from romantic lovers.
We haven't actually had sex yet - I originally thought that was the issue for me but it isn't - it is the intimacy and passion. I also think it is the other way around: I feel the potential for something romantic - but I am beginning to question if she does.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Does she have some kind of romantic expectation from the relationship?
Thats a pretty good question. We have talked about our respective romantic expectations - she has told me (with words) she is definitely looking at me as a romantic partner - her main one, in fact. Unless, I am completely off base, she means it. She also was cool with me meeting her son, which speaks volumes about what she wants. But her demeanor is sending me the opposite message. I would be suspect of my interpretation (I am obviously not objective), but she has told me she recognizes she is holding back, and is usually much more intimate and passionate, with out my prompting. She is able to read my angst pretty easily. The point is I am getting mixed messages (we both see this), and I am beginning to wonder if she wants a relationship with me - or wants to want one.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Is that what you need to talk to her about?
Another good question. I am not sure, but I think I may need to let her know that this relationship is unfolding more like a friendship (a good one) than a romance for me. I offer that purely as feedback, but I'm aware that could be taken as pressure to do something she didn't decide to do herself - the opposite of what I want, so perhaps I need to include that. I'm OK with whatever we have ending up as a friendship or romance - I'm just getting uncomfortable not knowing which way to go with it. I have a huge preference for romance when the other person is as gung-ho as I am about the potential for romance.
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