Originally Posted by Inyourendo
I think that is a big problem for me and why I don't bother dating. I don't feel NRE for anyone. I want to meet and fall for someone but the dating pool is just soooo limited it seems almost impossible.
There is a large poly dating pool here in the Bay Area - I am very lucky in that respect. In your experience, is that NRE a requirement to fall for someone? I suspect it might be so for me. It is certainly feels like it. Right now, despite what she is saying to me (she wants an intimate relationship), the dynamics feel way more like she wants to be buddies.
Originally Posted by Marcus
Preferably you should enjoy what your partner is giving you, be appreciative, and give them back what you naturally give. The idea of what a partner is *not* giving you should hopefully not even be a blip on your radar. The beauty of polyamory is that I can just lay back and enjoy my partner and if I am curious to have some need met which they don't meet then I am free to go out and get it.
Don't try to change someone, accept where they are at - I agree with that, but I'm not sure that is exactly what is going on with me - the thought that she "should" or "shouldn't" be anything doesn't sound quite right.
I'm not sure this is about my needs not being met. I already have this kind of easy passion and intimacy in my other relationships.
The thing is that I don't know how to practice a relationship that doesn't have that passion and intimacy. I use both to build relationships, without them - I do not know what to do beyond being just friends. Picture this: its late night and we are talking together - its a pleasant, intimate conversation, and it feels totally natural for me to put my arm around her, but at the same time, I get the opposite message from her body language. I end up not putting my arm around her while still feeling the strong desire to, which ends feeling extremely awkward and unnatural to me - like we are more buddies than lovers. I would be OK with being buddies and I would be OK with being lovers - I don't have any idea how to do neither/both/whatever this is. There seems like there is a mixed message with her.