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Old 07-29-2013, 09:58 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,405

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
Everything seems great - except I have this feeing like there is something really important missing that I have been having a hard time articulating. I almost want to ask - where is the NRE?
Most of my relationships are quite different from one another. It makes sense that they are because I have them with entirely unique individuals. This is just stating a fact, the problem comes in when we insist that a person should "be like" anything or that the relationship should "feel like" a particular thing. The person is exactly what they are and the relationship feels exactly the way it does... "should" is counterproductive.

It is my estimation that this is a "one and everything" approach to viewing people which gets grandfathered in from certain monogamous worldviews. If I'm going to be with one person for the rest of my life it would make sense that I should require them to be a lot of different things. If they aren't some of those things they should be able to change to meet those needs for me. This whole concept is antithetical to how I think healthy relationships should function, but this stuff carries weight with a lot of people none the less.

Preferably you should enjoy what your partner is giving you, be appreciative, and give them back what you naturally give. The idea of what a partner is *not* giving you should hopefully not even be a blip on your radar. The beauty of polyamory is that I can just lay back and enjoy my partner and if I am curious to have some need met which they don't meet then I am free to go out and get it.

It's a win-win for everyone.

In short, put all of this energy you are using to fret over what your partner isn't giving you into appreciating what she is giving you. There are people out there who you will have puppy love and animal chemistry with... go find one and let your current girl be what she is.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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