View Single Post
Old 02-05-2010, 05:39 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by icanlovetwo View Post
Just stumbled on to this forum - I'm glad I did ..........
How do you date when your already married ?

We feel that if we just tell someone
" Hi , I'm married, I have permission , want to go out ?
Get to know one another ? "
They might just think were crazy , or perverted ! They will probably think were crazy considering they haven't gotten to know us at all . What do you tell the people your interested in dating ?

Do you date someone for a while and then tell them your already married?Do you give them a chance to know you first as friends and let them know later in the relationship that your hoping for more ?
We dont want to mislead anyone but at the same time we want to give them a chance to get to know us before they jump to conclusions or pre conceived notions .
Any advice would be appreciated .
Hi IcanLove,

Welcome ! Hope you enjoy and participate. Very open group here with a variety of perspectives.

Your particular question, as others have already noted, is a tough one in current society (North America in particular).
It seems common sense has to dictate in different situations.
For example..........

If I were approaching someone in the obvious context of dating etc, I (personally) would have to be open & up front about that fact that I'm already married etc. It's just not good to start off a relationship with a lie or hiding things. Eventually it has to come out and when it does you're going to take a hit in the trust/credibility dept. Usually a fatal hit.

It it was an existing friendship I wanted to take further, the fact that I was married would (hopefully) already have been established. In that case I think it's normal to let the friendship grow and develop for awhile to see how deep it might really be. How compatible you would be on deeper levels. If it seems to both that a real bond is forming, the 'poly' discussion seems to just flow in naturally. In short, don't hurry it.

As for internet connections, at least in our experience, it's not very fruitful.
Sites like others have mentioned OKC and AFF at least acknowledge the existence of poly desires. AFF, although tagged and viewed by many as a 'swingers' site, does offer a fair number of people who may in the end be poly inclined. But not a majority for sure.
On any sites, men seem to outnumber women 10-1 so for a woman it can be oppressing and frustrating. You'll no doubt probably be deluged. For men (because of the previous statement) it's frustrating and seems a constant uphill battle to connect with a woman not suffering from that deluge of, often times ignorant, advances. No different than in a bar or club I suppose (but in internet level volume)? (never done bars)

So if you are in an area where there are sufficient people to have some social contact in general, maybe there will be more solid opportunities there. If you in a more rural or isolated area like us you may have to resort to the internet or travel a lot.

Good luck !

Reply With Quote