View Single Post
Old 07-29-2013, 04:10 PM
Anyanka's Avatar
Anyanka Anyanka is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 41

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I agree, you're wise to recognize your limits. You're wise to see the pattern here over nine months...always dealing with what he wants, his issues, his desire to change and tweak what you originally agreed to, him doing things behind your back.

You're only nine months in. I don't remember where I read it, but a comment in the last couple months from someone saying when they broke up with a boyfriend, it felt like the end of the world...a year later, it hurt...five years later it was okay...and ten years later she was incredibly grateful to have made that decision.

It may be hard emotionally to contemplate this, but it sounds like you're seeing things clearly. And these things will almost undoubtedly continue. Best to see it now. Good luck.
I hadn't thought about it as recognising patterns .. I don't think I am that plugged-in actually ..

It's just a matter of knowing that the distance thing was/is a huge problem for me .. every day was a struggle and he was unable to give me a definite time/date .. add a breach of trust to this already volatile issue (for me) and I just knew I would be a basket case .. not good for him, not good for me.

I am not issue free - but I am almost issue-free .. in fact, I have found that his idea/s on what relationships 'are' and 'aren't' to be more closed than mine - I have problems accepting that anyone is either mono or poly always and for all time .. the spectrum that bookbug talked about makes far more sense to me .. to me (and I am not claiming this to be 'the truth', but rather, my experience/take on things) each relationship should be taken on it's own merits and negotiated along the way .. entering something saying "I will be poly" seems as limiting as saying "I will be mono" .. **

(NB: I am talking in generalities here - my guy has never said these things/expressed these ideas per se .. he HAS said that he will/want to be able to have sex with other women and I indicated that I am fine with that - but, as stated, we have only discussed and agreed about this as being something we do together - so far anyway.)

**said with no offence meant to anybody .. I just struggle with having all of these predefined ideas before something has even had a chance to breathe and unfold ..

**** Obviously where there are already existing relationships in place that is an entirely different animal

******* please don't hate me

Last edited by Anyanka; 07-29-2013 at 04:46 PM.
Reply With Quote