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Old 07-29-2013, 01:28 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
I got depressed over finding something to wear
I have to ask, is this sort of emotional breakdown normal for you? Or is this a new development related to your husband having an affair and then starting to date the person he had an affair with?

My advice to you, in either case, is to ponder the possibility that you have emotional issues which are entirely unrelated to what your husband (or anyone else, for that matter) is doing. Having a breakdown over what clothes to wear might be "normal" for reality television, but among relatively healthy adults I think that would be classified as a fairly serious issue which should be looked at.

All of our emotional issues are our own to deal with. While your environment sounds challenging, that is nothing special as life is quite often difficult. What we need to do is learn how to respond to these changes in environment constructively. As a possible path of recovery, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is magical stuff which addresses things like having an excessive "catastrophe viewpoint" regarding changes in our environment. Our soft American lives are just not that scary and convincing ourselves that shifting environment is the End of Days is irrational. Fortunately that is something which is simple enough to address as long as we are willing to put the work into it.

Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
Ok so how to I ask a question to start a discussion when I don't really know what I want or need to ask.
Do you want us to guess what the question is that you want to discuss with him? I can only assume that it goes something like "This is moving too fast and I need you guys to stop dating while I get my stuff figured out"

Is that close?

Originally Posted by jlbrickler View Post
they understand but I feel like if they did why are they out on a date tonight that was supposed to be the three of us until I got depressed over finding something to wear and backed out of going.
I'm also curious about the details of how this went down. Without details I can only assume that you hinted and hoped that they would cancel their date to take care of you.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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