Why the push to feel the acceptance so quickly? Because you feel you're holding her back? Honestly, it took me MONTHS to get through a lot of my emotional bugaboos (that, similarly, I felt like I'd pushed through, only to find them triggered again). Even two years into this relationship, I still have issues, although they're fewer and farther between (and usually easier/quicker to handle at this point).
And I went into this relationship KNOWING it was poly.
My only advice here is to sit and talk with your wife and make sure you both realize that this could take a while - that you may feel like you're revisiting old wounds, and it may be absolutely frustrating, but you may need to revisit them that many times in order to work on healing them.
The other part of the problem for me was that I needed the experience to SEE that my partner meant what he said - that as his other relationship grew, ours did too, and that we really are something special.
Time and experience really are key here. Problem is, there are no shortcuts. Hang in there - it sounds like your wife is being supportive, which is wonderful.