Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:57 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 208

So, it's been a while, and I'm back. A little wiser, and back to trying to keep my thoughts straight and thinking that writing them out will help me a bit.

I decided to add things here instead of making a new thread because this is still part of my past, and it helped me learn and grow.

It took me a long time to decide I should break up with L. It was my first poly relationship, and I made a lot of mistakes. But, I was infatuated with him, and I wasn't ready to apply the distance I needed to get some perspective on our situation. It was only when the pain had receded a little that I thought about our relationship and realized that even if all the extraneous crap disappeared from his life and allowed him to see me more often, that I didn't want that relationship back; I had compromised too many things that I know now are hard limits.

I learned that I am not willing to be in a relationship where things aren't completely open and honest. I want to be able to talk on the phone or text if I want to without worrying about upsetting someone. I don't like the way it makes me feel to be kept a secret, and I don't like thinking about being party to hurting someone else.

I learned that I am kinky as hell and I love it. I don't know that I would have had the courage to go out and explore the BDSM community without having met L. He showed me that "normal" people do stuff like this, so I decided to try. I also learned that I am happier as a Domme.

I learned that I do not have to compromise who I am or what I want. I am happily married and I love my husband, so I don't need to settle for the first guy or girl who catches my eye; I can find a relationship that's right for me. I am an awesome person and I shouldn't have to change who I am for a relationship.

And so, despite the pain it caused me, I can't say that I regret my relationship with L. I took a lot away from the experience, and the memories are sweet. But, when I realized that it wasn't going to work for me anymore, I ended it. I can say I regret that it took so long for me to open my eyes, but I remind myself that it's okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.

So, that basically catches me up to recent times, and I'll add another post with the new stuff.
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
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