Originally Posted by kdt26417
I guess it is good to double-check yourself about poly now and then, just to be sure. But considering you already do that, it looks like polyamory is something you tried and found out it wasn't the thing for you. Nothing wrong with that. Experience is a good teacher.
You could be right. I believe poly works for a lifetime for some and seasons for others. Right now, it just does not fit in to the shape of my life. There is no escaping that. I am of the belief that acting according to the relationship and structure of one's life is essential. University years, dating, engagement, first half of our marriage, post-graduation, pre-babies, etc...it worked. I did not have all of the responsibilities that I do now. The present: small children, 11 year marriage, wanting different things out of life than even say 5 years ago, overall maturation, nesting (DH), etc...not so much. I do not regret establishing a career, having children, or anything else. It just means that my priorities have shifted, and there are more important people (my children) who need my time and attention more than an add'l romantic interest ever could. Thus, I am probably not cut out for poly any more, if I only have time for one romantic relationship.
Obviously our relationship and lives have changed over the years. I cannot say I personally outgrew poly, but my marriage and the structure of our lives did. Admittedly, as I have gotten older, I have wanted different things out of life. DH is the same. It is like our younger years. Doing the things we did during our teen years and university years, no longer fit in to adulthood and parenthood. We cannot stay out all night getting wasted knowing we have two children at home. We cannot jet off to Ibiza for an impromptu holiday and party with 21 year olds. We cannot go spend a the month of December travelling around Europe. We have children and careers. Like the pieces of a puzzle, where we are in life and that type of lifestyle would not fit now.