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Old 07-27-2013, 06:51 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

I emailed MrBrown a couple of possible days for a date and he replied he doesn't want to schedule anything right now. It makes me anxious and sad, because this could mean I won't see him for a very long time - he doesn't want to plan in the next 2 weeks, then he's going away for 2 weeks, and then I am going away for 3 weeks.

I know he's picking up on my abandonment issues and insecurities. I recently read the relationship anarchy pamphlet that Marcus links to in his sig, and that's my MrBrown, to the last dot. He is completely independent and will only do things because he wants them to. He will never placate me or say stuff I want him to tell me. And I love him for it, and our relationship is special, and the D/s dynamic is in place here too - he call the shots. I do believe in his love, it's just really hard at the moment to not feel vulnerable, to not ask him for reassurance (which would only backfire - so I don't).

I've ben spending a lot of time by myself lately, and am reaching out to friends. I KNOW that I have to work on my relationship with myself first and foremost.

But it seems like I feel more sadness about C being gone from my life as time passes. The freedom and feeling liberated high I was on the first week has definitely worn off. I dream about him every night. And feel like crying at least twice a day
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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