Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Words are labels intended to convey to someone else a picture in our head.
Actions are the results of our inner truth.
Thus the reason actions speak louder than words. We could lie in words-but really actions don't lie.
I can SAY "til death do us part" but I can't be certain that is true until one of us dies-because i can't predict the future.
I understand wanting the words-because they make us FEEL like we have more certainty-but the truth is-they aren't ACTUALLY increasing the certainty.
GG and I have 20 years now. At no point have we agreed to "life". Our dynamic has altered from "just friends" to "fwb" to "just friends" to part time lovers, to boyfriend/girlfriend, to roommates, to just friends, to co parents etc.
As needs have changed, the dynamic has changed and because we both accept that-the relationship hasn't ended.
I would focus more on authenticity then labels.
It's something to consider for you. Because he seems to be saying you ARE important but you need to be clear about need versus want. This is true for me too. If my bf says "I NEED you" and my kids just need tucked in but they are otherwise good to go-I will leave them with their older sister to tuck them in and go to him. But if he just wants to go dancing? I'm going to tuck them in first and he's going to wait.
I hope I am not coming across as wanting labels or guarantees because this really isn't the case .. well, in my head I would 'love' to think that he and I will be involved for a long, long time .. but I am in no way 'expecting' or trying to find a way to induce this.
I am trying to find a happy balance I guess whereby his issues of smothering and my issues of abandonment can meet in the middle. Interestingly, I also have smothering issues, just way less than him and he also has abandonment issues, but deals with (supresses) them better than I do .. so we both 'get' each others triggers .. I am trying to find a dialogue that allows me to feel some security - while it is genuinely there - and for him to feel safe that he isn't going to lose himself.
Thanks + thanks also for sharing your personal history with GG - that was enlightening.