Originally Posted by bookbug
I understand you wanting the security of feeling like he is in it for the long haul. However, may I offer the idea that it often proves to be a false sense of security? People in mono and poly relationships declare their commitment all of the time, and guess what, if a relationship is going to fail, it will fail regardless of commitment.
The fact that he is moving across country to be nearer you speaks volumes. If that isn't commitment, I don't know what is. I mean holy shit, he is upending his entire life to be with you!
If over time, his focus on you becomes distracted, it is going to happen whether he makes promises to you or not. See him for who he is. Allow him to be who is. This behavior is what will keep him in it for the long haul.
More excellent advice - thanks.
I need to do some adjustment in my thinking and in particular my vocab.
Just so you know, we had a video skype chat this morning for a couple of hours and (based upon what you had said here) I told him that I had considered his question about my 'expectations' and that really, what I want is what we already have .. just with him closer .. he seemed a little surprised but very happy with that response.. I am going to bring up the needs/wants list as per your suggestion when we are next face to face (I am off to visit in a couple of weeks) .. but, for the moment, this seems to have made us both feel better - so, thanks.
I know moving all the way here is a big thing and I appreciate what it means in the large scheme of things .. I really do.