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Old 07-26-2013, 01:42 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by Anyanka View Post
When we talk about involving other people, it is usually couched in terms of us sharing or watching the other - ie: we are not going to separate relationships, sexual or otherwise, but rather bringing other people into our bedroom.
Just for your edification, polyamory is having multiple loves. What you are talking about would most easily be described as swinging. Unless one of these threesome buddies becomes some kind of romantic love interest for one of you, it isn't poly.

Originally Posted by Anyanka View Post
If over time, his focus on you becomes distracted, it is going to happen whether he makes promises to you or not. See him for who he is. Allow him to be who is. This behavior is what will keep him in it for the long haul.
Agreed, making promises of longevity actually apply negative pressure to a relationship. It builds a barrier to exit which makes it difficult to discern what decisions are made from genuine interest and which ones are motivated by being in it "for the long haul".

My goal is for my partner to do exactly nothing for me that they do not have a genuine desire to do. I don't want to emotionally bully them, guilt them, or coerce them into doing something nice for me... I want them to do it because that's what they wanted to do. If they don't want to do a thing for me then PLEASE don't do it!! While most people can get behind this sentiment they have a hard time being able to recognize the fact that they are building agreements into their relationship which are contrary to this idea.

If IV leaves me tomorrow I will be crushed; my heart will be shattered into a thousand little splinters. HOWEVER, if my alternative is for her to stay with me because she is "committed to our relationship" then I'll take my broken heart any day. Love should be genuine and offered freely, building a longevity clause into a relationship is synonymous with saying "I want you to stay with me even if you'd rather leave"...
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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