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Old 07-26-2013, 01:26 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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  • Hinge expressed what he wanted at this visit. Everyone all together for "family time."
  • GF expressed what she wanted at this visit. Her 2 week visit alone with him.
  • You expressed what you wanted at this visit. To give them space while she visits.

Up to there? 2 trump 1, so BF could deal with the fact that the ladies are not willing to participate in "family time" at this time on this particular visit. Maybe some other visit. It isn't like visits are gonna RUN OUT right?

He could let it go this visit.

Along the way you have discovered a new want. You too want to have 2 weeks with the BF alone living together at some point on a little getaway thing -- even a staycation.

You could express this want to BF later when she leaves. He could meet the request once he's aware. He's not a mind reader -- you kinda have to make him aware.

Emotion is just internal weather. Could let it blow on through.

As for your motivation?
  • You could choose to be motivated by generosity of spirit -- like you originally were.
  • You could choose to be motivated by freak out scarcity mind set (when time with BF for you is actually not scarce)

Generosity of spirit serves you better -- could go with that.

You could try to keep this simpler and be generous with your hinge's time. TALK BACK when the Internal Voice starts telling you weirdness that unsettles you. Things like...
  • It's 2 weeks, not eternity.
  • I can always talk to BF to work out some goodnight phone calls or something help me endure the 2 weeks of less contact
  • I can remember my ORIGINAL want was to give them space because I live closer and get to have his time more often.
  • There's no "scarcity of BF time" here for me on my end of the V. I get to see him LOTS.
  • How I deal and interact with BF is naturally different than how she will deal and interact with BF. It isn't because I am "less than." It is because the time available to (him+her) is less than what (him + I) get.
  • I can reassure my own self.
  • Shut the hell up, stupid Internal Voice. I am not my thoughts. I am the one DOING THE THINKING. I'm the boss. So take that!

You could let it go and accept in this "uneven time share V" you get the "more time" side of the V.

If part of it is that you want BF or meta to SEE you -- could ask them to thank you and acknowledge that you are trying to play well here. Maybe you want to be SEEN and your effort you put into this polyship considered, acknowledged, and appreciated.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-26-2013 at 01:50 PM.
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