DaJaye74.......I hear you saying you'll give Lady SFI whatever she wants, and that you have no problem with her having a boyfriend, but that's not what LadySFI is hearing. She stated that you've been back and forth with your thoughts/feelings about her having a boyfriend.
She comes on here asking for opinions/advice....and then you come on to her thread and start asking for opinions/advice for yourself. That feels VERY controlling to me! It looks like another effort to get your needs met.....draw people to side with you...feel sorry for you.
Now, there's nothing wrong with having needs, wanting others to understand and support you, etc. But, that's not matching what you're saying about giving Lady SFI "whatever she wants".
You say you're in therapy working on some of your issues. LadySFI shared that the two of you spent 4 years in couples therapy working on issues. How long does she have to wait around until you get your issues worked through such that you're not controlling and emotionally abusive???
Whether or not you intend to be this way......you are. And it's impacting the woman you say you love...and would do anything for. I personally have little tolerance for emotional abuse, especially when I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't fix it, and don't deserve it! If you love her as you say you do, why would you want her to be around you....put up with such behaviors? If I really loved someone, I certainly wouldn't encourage them to stay indefinitely with a partner who's being controlling and emotionally abusive to them, so why would you....just because that abusive partner happens to be you?!
I recognize it can create gut wrenching panic to watch someone we love choose to walk out of our lives. But what I don't like is you speaking out of both sides of your mouth about the issue. That only makes things worse. If you're mono...you're mono. If poly doesn't meet your wants/needs, it doesn't meet YOUR wants/needs. Yes...you might lose LadySFI because she's poly. But as it is....NOBODY is very happy in this relationship! If you're really willing to give Lady SFI "whatever she wants".....does "whatever" include her walking out of your life to live with her boyfriend???????? If not....I would suggest you stop saying that.
Last edited by dragonflysky; 07-26-2013 at 05:55 AM.