It has been a relatively quiet day. DH was off today, and I do not work on Friday's, so we spent the first half of the day together. We had breakfast at patisserie in the next suburb. We went for jog in the park (cardio purposes; still training for a race on Sunday) and just talked. We bought lunch from a food truck. It was the best burger I have had in awhile. I am supposed to be eating healthy, but I have been craving chips and a burger forever. After that, he dropped me off at home and left to pick up the duckie. She gets out at 12:30 on Friday's. Nanny J is going to pick up our son at his usual time because he is on a consistent schedule, and if DH had picked him up, it would have been in the middle of his afternoon nap. Without that nap, he is crochety, and I would like for him to be well-rested when we take him to the movie. It is specifically for babies and small children, but I do not want to be the one with the child who screams the whole movie.
DH and the little one just got home awhile ago. The first thing she did when she walked in was gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She is such a sweetheart. I may have messed up my marriage. I missed her today. She told me about her day while I fixed her a snack. She is down for a nap right now. DH and I are spending some time apart before counselling at 4. It just gives a chance to think about what we want to address during the day's session. We always have a reconnection dinner or full date after and any topics about what was discussed during the session are shelved for 24-48 hours. It just gives us the chance to process what was said or think of questions to ask one another. We have a winning formula going right about now, and it is seemingly working.
It has been 20 weeks and 1 day, since the fallout occurred. There have definitely been positive changes. Self-check? I know that I still have some habits I need to break. I need to be more consistent. I need to do more than talk the talk and prove positive things and not just negative things. I need to take responsibility and hold myself accountable. I need to put others needs before my wants. I need to permanently cut ties with my ex. A friendship is realistically too much. We had a great 12 years, but I just do not see where she fits in to my new normal. It is like an addiction, and he was right. She is my chosen drug of choice. I need to break free of the hold she had over me. I will always love her, but I have to distance myself from something and someone that is bad for me and my marriage. I need to make compromises that are not self-serving and strictly beneficial to me. I need to learn how to trust my judgement. I need to trust myself not to make the same mistakes. I need to grow more confident in my new normal, so that I can stop relying upon the old habits that are comfortable and familiar. I need to lower my fall through percentage. It saddens me that he expects me to revert back to my old ways, side with my ex, and do some of the things I did before.
I have improved my listening and overall communication skills. I respect his feelings, opinions, and thoughts. We are still abiding by full disclosure, so there are no omissions. We do not ague. We talk, passionately debate, and if it starts getting heated, we agree to back away from the topic until we can cool down. I am around physically and emotionally more than I have been in the past. I am not working to the point of having no energy. I have no interests--romantically or in general--that take me or my attention away from my family. I am there for breakfast and dinner every day. I am usually there when he goes to bed and wakes up every morning. I go out with friends, and he goes out with his. We still have our respective hobbies and interests, but we have a healthy balance. He checks with me before just disappearing, and he returns at a decent hour. Our overall intimacy has improved. We cuddle pretty much every night. Usually while watching a movie, having a glass of wine, and most of the time, words do not need to be said. The lovemaking was already steamy and passionate, but it is more frequent. Twice a day. I am satisfied on that front. Our marriage is not so serious. We are having fun with one another and being light-hearted and flirty. We have several mini dates, spontaneous dates, and well planned dates. Last week, we dropped our children off at school, parked the vehicle, walked to a coffee shop, had croissants/coffee, and talked, before we started our respective days. Our new norm reminds me of the old days. We are much more open with one another and affectionate. I love our conversations these days. All in all, our marriage is 10x healthier than it was 20 weeks ago, and I can say that this is the healthiest it has been in years. Is there room for improvement? Mmhm. Each day is a chance to be even better than the days, weeks, and months prior. Baby steps and taking it one day at a time. Rome was not in a day or even mere months.
Will poly ever fit in to our marriage again? I am not sure. It seems cruel to throw a curve in to something that is finally working and healthy. I agreed to give his way a try, and it is working. I am not worried about trying to make poly fit the mould and present structure. I have to keep my priorities straight. Off to get ready for counselling.