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Old 02-05-2010, 12:32 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Again, I really can't help you or others with misinterpretations or the preoccupation with tacking imaginings onto other people. You either have the ability to discuss the reality or you sink into fantasy here. I'm not interested in the made up here. I also respond on this forum to others proportionate to the manner they address me and my views.
I was sincere, expressed confusion and asked you for help in understanding where you were coming from, you responded with sarcasm. How is that "proporitionate to the manner" I addressed you or your views?
And where is it that I "sink into fantasy"?


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Can I even hope you cared enough to look up marginalization?
Yes which is why I bring up that you talking down to me fits. Talking down to someone, being sarcastic in a way that paints them negatively in other people's eyes can cause
"To relegate or confine to a lower or outer limit or edge, as of social standing."
within the social environment you share with that person.

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Members seem to also find like-minded folks. I have and you have as you've shown boasting proudly about that and your PMs. It's not a big deal truly, I get PMs too. Many people here get them. It's nice that they make you feel special though.
I don't understand why you think that getting pm's makes me feel special. I was pointing out that due to several pm's expressing their confusion about what you MEAN and unwillingness to ask because of the long (more complicated) texts that follow I chose to ask you. But you didn't give a simple concise answer even when asked a simple, respectful question that also acknowledged confusion on the part of the questioner (me). You instead talked down to me and answered with yet more complicated jargon.

If I ask a doctor for him to speak "basic English" in explaining my health issues because I was confused about what he meant, I would expect that he would take a moment to figure out a simpler way to state his point, not a more or equally complicated one.

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First thank you for responding in the discussion at hand. It's a rare thing I'm finding.
I'm sorry if you find it rare, that's not a problem I've had. When I have time to be on the board-I respond to the topic at hand regularly with only a few off topic comments and those only when pertinent to the OP.
I have found in r/l that if a person insists on giving long-winded thoughts to a complicated topic when talking to people who lack comprehension-they tend to get the "i'm lost in lala land" stare and no return conversation.
With ALL due respect, I know that personally reading the font you use gives me a headache-so i try to limit myself to doing so only if you are talking specifically to me.
Additionally it seems that you tend to tear apart every sentence of every post that is directed at you, instead of just answering the basic premise and accepting examples as just examples that don't need to be addressed specifically since they aren't specific to the topic. I think this may be one reason a number of people feel that you are "interrogating" them.
There seems to be no room in conversing with you for them to speak without you analyzing each word, it's.... like being under the gun really. You may not "mean it that way" but if that's how it comes across to more than one person-it seems reasonable to assume that it's a common understanding of what those actions mean.

For example, I am "honest to a fault". I have had to learn that often times people take that honesty to mean I don't like them. So I've learned to pre-curse it with "You know I love you-but..." that way I am actively addressing their insecurities (or the potential in activities where I am in control-of them feeling marginalized) before I go on to make my point.


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What you've described, I've also seen in older poly people in their approach and behavior towards younger polys. The parallels are amazing. The superficiality regarding perceived beauty can probably be replaced with talk of inexperience and lack of worth because of that with no further examination of the younger poly as a human being.
I think this happens in the world a lot-not just to polys-but all over. It's a disgrace. It's something I personally fight against a lot in r/l in regards to age/looks. I was in management by 19 years old. I gained the respect of my employees (all much older than I) in the first week by simply letting them know that while I was an expert at the work we were doing (I had been at that company longer than all of them) they were more experienced with being in charge of thing in life and in order to succeed I would need them to help me improve at being in charge and in turn I would help them improve at the specific job we were doing.
At 30 (in management) I fought with the owner to allow 14 year olds to work for us. The argument was that they were "irresponsible". Yet the owners hadn't actually WORKED with any 14 year olds-it was just an assumption. So we compromised to allow 14 year olds to volunteer for 3 months and if they learned well and seemed responsible I could hire them on a temporary basis.
It worked well and those owners as well as MANY customers and others community members now see that in fact their age didn't guarantee that they were "bad employees" in fact they were BETTER employees then many of the older people, due to the older people having become "jaded" in life and wanting more pay/benefits etc.

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It doesn't seem that it was marginalization as there was no group to be pushed to the edges of.
A group need not be defined in order to exist.

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What sort of outreach can be done to address these biases that some poly people seem to place based in age?
As i said before-in order to really know how to reach out to address it-I need to have specifics and as I don't experience it or know anyone who does-I don't know.
BUT I'd love ideas and am willing to work on trying to implement them.
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