Thank you all for your advice. This is definitely not something I planned on doing overnight... the heart just doesn't work that way. My husband is on the phone with K as we speak, and it warms my heart to the glow he gets on his face when he speaks to her.
There is more to the story than what I've put out though. I was dishonest with him, though. 7 years ago, we were all friends. Then her husband and I started an affair. It was not ever sex, but it was emotional, and that's enough for me to be a cheater in my eyes. We kissed twice, and the pain of having to choose between them was so intense, I left my husband for 2 months. I was torn into a million pieces. I wanted all three, I could have none or only one. So there was dishonesty on my part big time. And a lot of the jealousy stems from that. He, in turn, had an affair out of anger with the wife, but I understand that and it doesn't bother me at all. I know how badly I hurt him.
But if poly is based on anything, it is based on trust and honesty. And the honest truth is that we all belong together. I know that, and deep in his heart, my husband has admitted that. I understand that for now, it must be the three of us, me, my husband, and the wife. It's more than understandable. I wish with all my heart I could take back the hurt I caused, but it's not possible. I *hope* that one day we can let the husband into the fold. I do not have any expectations, though, because we're all human, and it may be too painful for him for the rest of our lives, and I could understand that.
In our last poly relationship, I continued to tell him it was too painful and I couldn't do it anymore, to which he would reply that it was my self esteem issue to work out (all of us together, of course) but I as not forthright in the fact that I wanted it to end, period, and he didn't accept the signs that it was too hurtful for me. I would go in the bathroom, lock the door, and curl up into a little ball, sobbing and shaken to my core being. I would get sick over it, and he turned his head to it, because he enjoyed it too much. All of which the symptoms were of my dishonesty in my level of happiness, and my not being close to someone who was dishonest and manipulative to begin with. Hindsight is 20/20. They don't say that for no reason ^_^
Anyway, I'm trusting my intuition on this one, and that is that we will all move past our hurts and be together one day. I never have to be sexual with the husband. What I feel transcends that incredibly. Just to spend some time with him is enough to make me happy, and I hope that my husband can one day forgive me and see it for the harmless truth that it is.
I appreciate all the advice, guys. I'm so glad I found this place! What wonderful people!
I hope you all sleep well, and have wonderful dreams!
Love & Light!