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Old 07-25-2013, 12:41 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Default Battle of the Mold, Day One...

Ugh. Exhausted after ragging off mold and throwing away damp, moldy basement stuff until 1am last night. The fact that this is all happening the week I'm PMS'ing really, really doesn't help.

Cleaning one's basement due to moisture and mold is pretty damn close to losing weight because you're sick. The results are okay, but what an awful process.

I am realizing that, as the enormity of this project slowly unfolds, I am really having a hard time finding a balance between self-sufficiency and wanting to rely on P.

I've never lived alone, which doesn't really help... If I'd had these couple of years in the house alone before starting up my relationship, maybe my "problem solver" side would take charge a bit more quickly than the overwhelmed "oh no, no, no, no, make it go away" side. Who knows...

Still, this is a hard lesson to learn simply because the opportunities (thankfully) don't come all that often, and when they do, they involve something shitty happening to the house.

I want to rely on P. He wants me to be able to rely on him. But he's not here. So... do I flip the switch and say fine, I'm alone, time to be self-sufficient? Self-sufficiency is good, yes, and I think that's the way to go, but in the process, I end up detaching myself from even wanting to rely on P - detaching myself from even thinking that I can, and thus begins the emotional back-and-forth ("I can do this myself!" / "Why aren't you heeeeeeeere???").

Once I detach like that, it's hard to flip the switch back when he is here. Like I need to prove to myself that I can do it without his help if I'm going to get anywhere in this relationship when these types of things pop up.

Bleh.

Part of the problem is that the moisture is threatening a lot of the stuff I stored downstairs - stuff I don't want to lose (the kids' papers, some of the more meaningful christmas decorations, other momentos - I remember losing a lot of the kids' handmade Xmas decorations a couple years back when a snowglobe burst inside the plastic container they were in. Kindergarten and preschool decorations that really were irreplaceable... I dread experiencing that again). And I, as a "fixer" hate waiting until it dries out. I need to be doing, not waiting. Multiple things to drive me crazy. Certainly not the best emotional state to start from.

Well, hey... at least I get to ramble about it here. Lucky you?
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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