We are well into week two of Amanda (my husband's ex wife) living with us. There has been far more good than bad.
I think the hardest part for me is feeling even more unimportant as a stepmom. If you've ever been a stepparent, you understand the struggles we go through to find our place in the blended family dynamic. Are we a parent? Are we a fun aunt/uncle? Are we just "dad/mom's wife/husband"? Or do we fade into the background and become...nothing?
For the past five years I have been a parent. Neverwhere and I made decisions together and ran our household as a team. He often disagreed with Amanda on smaller parenting issues and so we very much had a "mom's house/dad's house" rule structure, meaning that the kids lived completely different lives at both households and had to remember which house they were in to remember which rules they were supposed to follow. Often Amanda had very few rules and we ran a much more structured house.
It has been interesting to try to combine that into one household now. I think for the most part we have done very well so far. But tonight was not a good night for me.
Once again, none of my issues arise because of jealousy over my husband...more so over my kids. lol. I am having difficulty living with both bio parents in the house and wondering "Am I even necessary anymore?" I have always been the codependent savior of the family, willing to give up everything I want for what everyone else wanted or needed. Going to all the parent/teacher conferences, even when the kids' mom and dad couldn't make it. Doing all the extra curricular, worrying about the kids' education, doctor's appointments, and religious training. You'd think I'd be happy to share the burden, but mostly I'm just finding it difficult to give up control.
I am struggling tonight and hoping for a better tomorrow.
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.