View Single Post
Old 07-23-2013, 02:47 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,344

Originally Posted by bruisepristne View Post
I also wanted to ask what kind of relationship you all have with your partner's significant others?
In my case, there was a mismatch between what I and my metamour wanted in in a relationship between the two of us. She wanted a close, BFF, sisterly type of relationship. I wasn't feeling it, and was content to stay at a less BFF-y (ew, that looks weird) place in our friendship (our friendship beforehand was pretty light - friendly, but not close). The fact that we got together regularly (the three of us) to talk about our rough spots in the relationship didn't help, as she thought it implied an intimacy between us that I didn't feel.

I offered to spend more 1-on-1 time with her, since she wanted the closeness, and even though I couldn't guarantee anything, it seemed like the only way to get there - to get to know her better OUTSIDE of the relationship. In the process, I felt like I was being put on a timetable and didn't like the idea of spending time together toward a goal, as opposed to spending time together because it was fun. It ended up resulting in a discussion where I just said that I wasn't feeling it. We didn't have that "click" that all my really close friendships have, and I didn't like feeling like I needed to be a "bestie" on some sort of particular deadline.

No hard feelings now, but damn, that was tough.

So, short of the long, we're friends, but "friends" can have a different meaning for each person. Currently, we're operating on a, "We'll we what we'll be" philosophy, with no pressure to move toward anything different. It feels much better.

There is no desire on my part to add a physical component to our friendship. I imagine, given the emotional up-and-down on her end, she's probably feeling the same right about now (but that's speculation on my part).

Originally Posted by bruisepristne View Post
My BF and I were talking about putting together some sort of informal agreement we obviously can change at any time, but that gives us an idea and understanding on communication with each other and ensures we share time together, as a family and individually.
We didn't write anything down, but the three of us do try to get together somewhat regularly to keep the lines of communication open. We also have a shared calendar in place, and my partner splits his time between the two of us. I have no interest in a shared household. Hell, when I got divorced, I was adamant about not having a roommate, period, so it's nothing personal.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote