Originally Posted by Cleo
I must be careful to not let my sadness over the break up spill over into causing abandonment issues in my other relationships. The ones I have are pretty amazing, and I wat to enjoy them and be grateful for them.
Oh, this is a great realization to have!
When I still so very stuck in the muck and mire of feeling devastated and abandoned by my husband after he left me, I started seeing Shorty. There would be times when I would just start crying while he was fucking me. He would stop and say, "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?" and I'd tell him, "Don't mind me, just keep going." Hahaha, how odd I must've seemed. But I knew all this emotion was just going to come out & I didn't think I could control it.
I didn't see until I read your post just now that I was really overlaying all my abandonment issues on him. I had already realized that I really wasn't ready to be in a relationship at the time, but I hadn't exactly looked at it this way before. When he broke up with me after a few months, stating that I wanted more out of the relationship than he did, and basically that I was too needy and clingy. I had let all my feelings of fucked-upness and abandonment color too many of my interactions and expectations of him. But it's a familiar mechanism with me, too, because I have abandonment issues in general, over my father abandoning my mother and our family when I was very young, so it is a pattern of mine I need to always watch out for.