Thread: Polyfidelity
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:45 AM
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Seasnail Seasnail is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 77

I mostly ask because I don't know, and I was having a hard time formulating ANYTHING other than that, but I needed to start somewhere.

So far, it's my husband and I, and we've agreed that for now, casual non-sex dating is fine, though we generally ask for approval if possible. We agree that for someone to join our family & be included in sex with one or both of us, either in a "hey, let's move in together" kind of way, or as an extended/live out familly member, that we both need to agree.

My HB thinks it's cool to just ask someone out on a date, and then tell her about me, and that she and I would meet some time in the future. He's a bit non-committal about when that might be. He says a date is no big deal, and often they don't work out, (we've been mono for 13 years, so dating is kinda new!) so he doesn't see the point in us meeting until he knows if they "click".

I would prefer to be able to meet her right up-front. I am uncomfortable waiting until there's some kind of bond to meet her and decide if I think she could be part of her family. I feel like it sets up a lot of pressure for a first meeting to go well, and makes me seem unreasonable if I think it's not workable.

We have a big enough social network that there are lots of women he can meet & date that I wouldn't need to "meet" in any particular way because I'm likely to know her from sports or parties, or wherever: I'm just thinking of people who are strangers to me but that he knows from school or work... it feels very uneven, because he already has a basis for knowing if it would work for him, and whether they would likely "click", but I don't. I'm not trying to be picky, I really want to know that she'll respect me, come to care for me, and have good communication skills. That last one is something HB doesn't tend to look for... and I think it will make a huge difference.
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