Thread: Not Dead Yet!
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Old 07-22-2013, 05:55 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,855
Default good times

Things are going pretty well so not much driving need to write. Plus I have not been enjoying the overall tone of the forum so felt less interest in posting. That seems to be improving recently which makes me glad.

On to the rambly update!

Tiny Dog (TD) now has a roomie, Tiny Cat (TC). TC was under the shed a week ago. She came right to me when I called (it's been brutal hot here so I was very concerned). I've always said I'm not a cat person - like them but no need to have one.

Well looks like I have a cat now. TC is a very small brownish/gray tabby with black stripes. I said I would foster her until a good home is found. But I am kidding myself. I'm attached. She is very sweet, purrs at the lightest touch, likes to cuddle, accepts Bo, and generally seems to enjoy being around people. In fact, TD and TC follow me about the house as I go about my day.

So I have a tiny cat and a tiny dog living in a tiny house. Think I will go find a shoe to live in! And a tuffet to sit on!

Things are going well with Whip. We had a bump a few weeks ago. I do not enjoy seeing him scene with other people. I get territorial. So we have worked out some boundaries that are mostly working for us for now. He doesn't scene in front of me - one of us will go to another part of the dungeon or home or party or whatever. He goes to more BDSM events than I do and can scene there if he wants to. And that has worked well to date. I think as time goes on, this boundary will be less necessary for me. But we will see.

We've also had some discussions about how much to tell each other - or more accurately, what I want to know, what I need to know and what I don't want to hear. I do want to know if he meets someone who may become a play partner, sex partner, dating, whatever. A heads up before they get physically involved is appreciated but not an absolute requirement. Safer sex is a requirement for both of us. I want to know if he had a good time at an event, or if he didn't, and why. If there is a change in the relationship with someone else - FWB becomes dating for instance - I would need a heads up about that. If he changes a relationship status on social media, a quick word to me about the change is appreciated. I do want to meet them at some point. Doesn't have to be a big thing - a 'hello, nice to meet you!' at a party is enough.

I don't need to know what they did in the scene or in bed. Knowing sexual or scene details makes me feel all territorial. And not knowing details helps me not play the comparison game. I rarely compare myself to others. But if I start down that spiral of comparison, it can be hard for me to stop.

I don't have a veto - neither does he. But we do have the expectation that we will listen to each other's thoughts on partners. So if he has concerns about someone I am considering, I want to know that. I want the chance to say, if need be, 'Bitch be crazy. You really want to go there?' The decision is then up to him. So far neither of us has encountered someone the other couldn't stand, or put up with.

It's been interesting dealing with the reality that he has more opportunites for sex and play than I do. One reason is that he is more outgoing and actively looking for partners. Another is that I am just more picky than he is. I rarely meet people that I am attracted to and want to pursue something with. Just doesn't happen that often. I have not been particularly interesting in putting in more effort to find partners either. I've been focusing on other things, like my health, my pets, work, hobbies. I've had flashes of jealousy that I am just not getting the attention and action he is (have sympathy for the guys with wives who are more often in this position). But I also wouldn't want all that attention from random people. And while I could put more effort in meeting people, (and maybe I will reactivate my OKC account), I am generally ok with where I'm at.

I am curious how he will handle me having more partners. I have an occasional play partner from before Whip and I started dating but no one else so to date. I wonder how he will react once I date more. It's not a priority for me now, but that will change.

But things are good. Our sexual chemistry is hot, hot, hot, still. Even after two years. And other areas of connection are growing, developing. Overall, I'm pretty happy!
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