I'm a very emotional person, my goal is to avoid taking action until I've had a chance to intellectualize it. More importantly, I want to make requests of my partner which do not imply any kind of negative judgement about how they are managing their time or emotional blackmail to get them to spend more of it with me.
It's not a big disagreement, just wanted to clarify my viewpoint.
Originally Posted by idealist
I'm glad you have met someone new- it's nice to see you so happy. I understand that you want to spend a lot of time with him/her, but I am missing you and would love to spend some time with you this weekend! There is a great band playing at the Blues Club Saturday night. We could go out to eat, go to the club and then you could spend the night at my house! Would that work for you?
Everyone communicates however they feel comfortable, but for me this first part is something I try to avoid doing. It is front loading the question so that my partner is hesitant to give me the "wrong" answer. Set up this way, if my partner comes back and says "No, maybe next weekend" they are not only turning down my offer but they are telling me they don't care that I miss them.
When I ask IV to have a sleepover with me she knows it is because I miss her. She knows that the reason is because she is spending all of her time at work, with a lover, or whatever. My telling her that sounds like I'm trying to correct her behavior so my goal is to not say that kind of stuff. This is most true when I really am feeling emotional and vulnerable.
When I'm just missing her and want to tell her that, I do. When I want to hear her scream in orgasm I reserve the right to let her know. But, when I'm having insecurity stuff or am otherwise emotionally vulnerable I try to be extra careful not to make that her problem.