So I talk with Seven today on the way to the Shut-Ins. Wasn't the most productive I guess, but it was something.
He doesn't know if he's going to be able to do the thing I asked because he doesn't know if Lamian will go for it. He also mentioned he's still working on trying to figure out how to relate/see me know with how our relationship is having to change. I asked that he tries to talk to her ASAP after he gets back because this is important to me. I need to know that he wants the time with me so that I feel wanted and not just like something to fill his time when Lamian decides she'd rather be elsewhere.
He leaves for a week tomorrow. I guess the only good thing about that is that Lamian is probably going to spending most of her time at Darkeyes place that week so at least I'll have little to deal with him.
Still at a loss if things do end up completely ending how to look for that dynamic. Woodsmith agrees that he can't give it to me because I don't want to fight, I just want to be able to serve someone. And the only reason I was able to feel okay doing that with Seven is because of having his friendship for so long before I trusted him enough to let him close there. I don't know how easily I could do that.
I've also been sleeping with a small knife under my pillow. I've been having the craving to scratch/cut myself but for some reason I'm able to keep myself from doing so having that close to me has been giving me enough security to not. Pretending to not need to serve has been taxing. Almost more so than pretending to not be upset.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub