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"She kept wanting myself, the male, to herself which tore me in two."
Question: Did she mean that she wanted your wife out of the picture for good, or did she just mean that she wanted some private time with you alone without the wife present?
"I want us to communicate but one thing that has come up the really broke the camel's back for us was when she said she does not respect my wife but my wife has cared for her so much."
I can see how that would throw a wall up between you and her.
I don't think there's a lot you can do right now, some of the bad feelings are at a boil and need to die down to a simmer. Take care of yourselves, you and your wife, and try to be open to talk if the other lady wants to talk.
Hope Polyamory.com is helpful.