Thanks so much, Nyc. It's been hugely helpful to me to hear other people relate similar experiences... always good to know that, even if you're fucked up, other people have been there too. And your way of thinking about it makes sense, I hadn't thought of it in quite that way.
What would I gain if I lost my job... less stress (in some ways, likely more in others, like, y' know, "how am I gonna pay my bills?"), less responsibility. Less constantly feeling inadequate because there's always more to do than I can catch up with. Less feeling like I'm letting down the movement that I'm supposed to be serving by not being a super-motivated Type-A personality (never have been, never will be).
What do I get out of ignoring work in the moment? More time to either focus on other important work or just to goof off (more of the latter than I'd like to admit