View Single Post
  #815  
Old 07-20-2013, 02:07 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,423
Default

I can relate to this - I sabotage myself so many times, it isn't funny. Been doing it all my life, so I know it's a pattern I learned a long time ago, probably to get attention or to reinforce a self-limiting belief I have. Whenever we continually do something that brings us pain, it's usually because there is a pay-off. We always subconsciously know (or hope) we'll gain something out of it, whether it is justification of our own beliefs and negative feelings about ourselves, or to hold us back from being successful because we're afraid to take a risk and be vulnerable, etc.

The thing to ask is always "What am I getting out of doing this?" (and then seriously ponder that question and take the time to ask your inner self what is being gained from this behavior - it will usually be quite irrational). I still get caught up in this self-sabotaging pattern myself - I have no other solution than delving into that kind of self-questioning to become aware of the mechanism, because with awareness comes choice. If you know you might choose that behavior for whatever reasons you discover, at least you can choose not to.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-20-2013 at 02:15 PM.
Reply With Quote