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Old 07-19-2013, 11:55 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,632
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Lots of good stuff these days mixed with moments of totaly anxiety and fear. I've chosen to investigate these moments as being a sign that I need to dive into my self stuff swim around until I find my feet again. Today I felt profoundly lonely. I suppose that might be why I am posting. Sitting in that and wondering why. Trying to find the space in my heart that say I am not lonely I am having me time. I am not alone. I am loved and people aren't leaving just doing other things. Its hard to do when sometimes there is so much silence compared to before. Its good that there is. I chose that, but I misread it sometimes.

Poly lessons; don't chose partners with the same love language. I'm realzing that "quality time" cannot be met with four partners. By me anyway. Total fail on that one for me. It just didn't work. That and partners to friendship break ups means you lose your heart family. I hadn't reckoned on that. Part of the learning. I have been replaced and need to find more heart family I think. It just is what it is I guess.

Other than that I am excellent at monogamy. I am giving all that I have in hopes of a healthy relationship. Fingers crossed. What happens after that I don't know. I suspect there is much more to come.
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