View Single Post
  #7  
Old 02-02-2010, 07:37 PM
Lemondrop's Avatar
Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305
Default

Since no one else brought this up, I will.

You may also have issues with your female partners feeling inadequate because of your ED. They won't think less of you, they'll think less of themselves. Society has taught us that if we are alluring enough, if we are attractive enough, the reward is an erection...conversely, if our partner doesn't get an erection, we are not sexy/attractive/good enough/just don't do it for you. I've had my own fair share of these issues, and it's extremely difficult not to internalize it when a man can't get an erection, especially when you throw poly into the mix and suddenly you KNOW your partner is able to go elsewhere to get needs met if you can't do it for them. (My relationship began to have ED when we became poly...it added a whole new level to our growing pains.)

I think it's important that you have open communication and that you make sure that you feel comfortable showing her that you love her in other ways. Remember that you can have loving touch without sex, without it leading to sex, and without even putting sex on the table. Don't be afraid to use toys--they are NOT a replacement for you, they are enhancers. (My relationship had extra trouble because my husband saw toys as competition...like I would ***ever*** desire them more than him.) You should be having fun, bottom line.

That said, I don't think that ED--which is far more common than most people think!! so don't be down on yourself!! --would be any more of a detriment to a poly relationship than it would to a monogamous one. Sex is fun and a natural desire, but I really hope that it isn't the only thing in your relationship. I will admit to you that I am currently in a sexless poly relationship, and he fills different needs for me. He "satisfies" me by being who he is!

Last edited by Lemondrop; 02-02-2010 at 07:39 PM. Reason: clarification
Reply With Quote