I don't know. I think I get passed by because of autism, but then I have two great partners right now who obviously accepted it.
Oh and, the vast amount of poly people I know who have healthy and successful relationships use the terms "primary" and "secondary". The thing is, however, they only use this to describe levels of entanglement. For example, the person/people they live with, maybe have kids with, share financial responsibilities with etc are what they refer to as primary relationships and the things without those practical entanglements, they call secondary relationships. It has nothing to do with who is most important to them, or who they love more - it simply describes the relationship you have with someone. Don't get me wrong, to some people, it definitely dictates priority, but you usually know that by the other things they say, eg "I don't want kissing outside of our primary relationship because kissing is just for us". They use these words for convenience more than anything. You will get some Holier Than Thou (which is funny because they are usually Athiests) people who say using these terms at all means you practice "bad poly" or "less enlightened poly" but the fact remains that many of us want those "normal things" and having an easy way to describe that kind of relationship is just that, easy.
Last edited by london; 07-18-2013 at 09:03 PM.