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Old 07-18-2013, 07:03 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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It sounds like you had good, heartfelt, truthful communication between you. That doesn't mean it is always pleasant, but you got out what you had to say and it sounds like you were very mature and loving about it.

The pain you feel is likely growing pains, and from seeing him upset and not wanting to hurt him. It is scary and exhilarating and confusing to step away from our support systems and comfort zones for the first time and be on our own, making our own choices and standing up for ourselves - it is easy to feel queasy about that, like being up on a high wire without a net below us.

Remember, at your age, young women are just more mature than the guys at the same age. Girls mature faster. The guys have to catch up. He is having growing pains, too. As much as he says he doesn't want it to be the way it was, of course he does! There is always comfort in the familiar, even if we know it doesn't fit us anymore. He loves you, accepts you, but feels out of control, and also has to deal with societal pressures that say the male is the boss in a relationship.

You did good. You were honest and compassionate. Keep breathing. His journey is his own, you can't fix it for him.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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