Things are actually... good.
I feel free. It's like I can breathe again. It's almost scary how little sadness there is. It makes me think I've let things go way way too far. I hope I will be more in tune with my feelings next time. And know when to leave a situation that isn't good for me. Well, I'll just look at this as a relationship that has brought me much joy for about a year, and became a major learning experience for the last 6 months of it.
Date with BGuy lined up for next week. And am going away for a romantic weekend with Ren. Things with MrBrown are really good. And I've been chatting on OKCupid wth a guy with whom I'm a 99% match. (I'm not even a 99% match with Ren!) We've been talking for a while, but since the break up with C it's become more frequent. So far it's not flirty, just friendly, but I do worry a little that I am pursuing this as some sort of rebound thing. I do like the attention.... but I should be honest with myself and him. Also, it's probably too soon to step into something new... shouldn't I grieve for C some more? On the other hand, I feel strong and free, and want to feel open to all possibillities.
Funny story. I was visiting with family and one of my uncles told a story that he read about a guy with 5 kids and 5 fosterkids. He said: you know they say if you divide love, it multiplies!
I just could not resist and said, Oh, and how many wives did he have?
There was utter silence.. that side of my family is very religious. I saw my mother flinch a little, I guess she was scared I would share my 'secret'