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Old 07-17-2013, 12:08 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,880

Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post

Maybe I'm missing something - but isn't there a way of letting your partner know what you would like from them without it being an obligation at the same time? I actually do want to know what my partner wants from me - I may not choose to, or be able to give her everything she wants, but I still want to know.
Yes! You absolutely should not just sit and take whatever a partner willingly deals out, if it's not enough for you. In fact, quite often my gf and I need to have a talk on those lines.

"Hey, we havent done xyz in a while. That is something I love to do with you. Do you miss it as well? What is preventing us from still doing that? It's really important to me we resume that activity, or even expand on it in this kind of way... I'm bored with our situation these days!"

Once a couple has a long term thing going, it's an undeniable fact, we can start to take each other for granted, get lost in work, kids, unshared hobbies, or if poly, in a new shiny person. This will not do. Intimacy and juiciness and good old FUN is lost. I will not stand for that!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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