Originally Posted by tree166
My partner and I aren't out to our families (for moral/religious reasons) so it becomes a bit of a hassle either explaining why one or the other of us isn't at Christmas dinner, or attempting to include our other partners in the family events. I'm just curious how the rest of you approach it.
I understand not being "out" to family, especially when they have strong religious leanings, BUT I would never stand for separating partners to spare other peoples feelings. If they aren't willing to open their home to the people you love (nobody needs to know about your sex life - non of their business anyway), they don't deserve your presence. Same goes if they can't be kind and polite.
Just because mom has had her way for 20 years and managed to bully her way into having "just family" or a specific date all these years, doesn't mean she's not being a selfish bitch, just that she has figured out how to effectively manipulate the rest of the family. I have mono couples that go through grief if they don't spend a specific holiday at a specific relatives house on a specific day, everyone else be damned. Pisses me off.
It's real simple. Mom calls and says dinner is at 4pm on X day. You say great, We will be bringing ABC, is that alright (do not spring this on her last minute or unannounced - ask when invited)? If she says no, I want it just "family". You say, I'm sorry you feel that way. We can't make it, but why don't you guys come to our house on the following day. Then spend the holiday with ABC and anyone else you wish.
I just don't get it - our house has always been open to people inviting a friend or two for the holidays. Seriously, how many people run out of food when they are hosting a big holiday meal? Guaranteed, most people could add 3-4 more people and still have some left overs. If adding another person is a hardship, then offer to bring (or pay for) more food.