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Old 07-16-2013, 07:12 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,813

So in trying to take care of him... what are you doing to help him "unsuffer?"

What are you doing to help you "unsuffer?"

Is staying in a BF/GF relationship with him adding to the suffering or taking away from the suffering for him? (Adding... it just drags on.)

If staying in a BF/GF relationship with him adding to the suffering or taking away from the suffering for you? (Adding. It just drags on. You are miserable, feel obligated, guilty, not able to meet his needs, etc.)

So basically someone has to shoot the horse. That someone could be you.

Some choices in life are not win or lose. But which stinks the least. If stinkage must happen, pick the least stinky!

To me? That's breaking up with him. You let him be mad at you, act out, whatever. But you break it off. Short term suckage for long term health improvements -- So he can be free. And so you can be free too.

It will still stink a bit more as you move through break up healing process, but you both get to move it forward now that you broke it off. Rather than stay suffering in the endless hamster wheel going round in endless circles.

Sometimes there's no more loving gesture to do than to let someone go and be the one to end it. So they don't have to be the one to.

And if you want something else to begin, like a lifelong friendship with him? Then something has to end. This dying on the vine romanceship. In order to make the space for a new relationship with him.

I don't want to string things along anymore. I want to have some real conversations. I am afraid of what to say though and don't know where to begin.
PHONE: "Hi BF. Listen, I would like to have a serious talk. Can we make a date for 1-2 hours to have that heart to heart talk without interruptions?"

FACE TIME: "So... serious talk. It's been a long, good run on the romance and I loved it. But that has ended for me -- the romance love. I'm sorry it didn't go longer.

I think we are both hurting. And have been. Avoiding dealing with it is not helping. So I want to break up. See if after the break up feelings subside, being NOT romance partners serves us both better and frees us up to be friends without a misery cloud hanging over us. I miss you as my friend.

I don't know what kind of relationship you want to have next or even if you are willing. I would like to be good exes and friends if possible. I am willing to try. Are you? What would you want? Are you willing to talk to me and plan what we want to be next to each other?"

I am sorry you hurt, and I am sorry this is hard.

Could pick your hard. Pick the least stinky and move it forward. For both your sakes.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-16-2013 at 07:22 PM.
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