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Old 07-15-2013, 08:40 PM
Amnati Amnati is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
This is speaking from experience, on your side of the fence. Being the controlled stoic one who lost his mind for a time I get it.

Some things I know work, but take work, and sometimes, you never quite get it
  • You have to find a way to feel confident in your relationship so you don't get this emotional swing
  • Remember, this type of swing is not attractive, just saying.
  • Passive aggressive is a great way to push someone further, not try to bring them closer.
  • Try and find something to do. This should be the easy one. Join a club, go to a sports bar, go to the gym. Something that can both occupy mind and body that you find fun. Your mind and body cannot be connected to her mind and body. That clarity will help you feel better.
  • Find confidence in yourself as a person/individual

Poly is less about working on your relationships and more about working on yourself. You also probably feel completely out of control since this isn't your usual mental state. Thats a big deal. People sometimes forget that side. Suddenly being crazy when you feel like you are the stable one.. just feels that much more crazy.

I will also be honest, try to avoid getting into another relationship in a time like this. You need to figure out how to be sufficient on your own, and then in time bring someone else in. Otherwise you will end up using the new person as an emotional surrogate.

There is also a codependency portion to this that happens to people in general. Especially couples. She has someone new and that "side" of you is missing. I would recommend doing some reflection and reading on co-dependency. Maybe dealing with it from that side will help as well.

And this shit is hard.. ..
Throwing into the mix that we have a four year old is well makes it even more difficult. He and I get to "chill" without the car when she is at her boyfriend's and I'm feeling my most vulnerable.
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