To me it sounds like you need empathy, to be included, to be reassured, to be understood.
The other stuff is not "need." It is "want."
Could take a need inventory
and use "need" words to help you better articulate your needs to yourself and to her.
Could also focus on the need on rather than on the method to achieve the need.
"I need to be included in her life." That is a need.
"I WANT to be told about what is going on this new relationship so I can feel included" -- that is a) not up to you and b) only ONE method of including you in her life. She can't include you in other ways? Of course she could.
Basically you can try your original plan and see how that serves you -- taking a time out to calm down in the short term is not a bad thing.
Then think of other approaches for the long term. (Because you can't stay "hiding" forever -- that's not participating in your own marriage. )
Could Google "emotional change" and see what that cycle looks like.
Maybe reading this thread
could also help you realize you aren't alone in these roller coaster "we just opened" feelings.
What is it you fear? How do you see yourself getting through this?