Hi Ari! Missed ya!
Marcus isn't a jerk-he's a realist. He doesn't look at things the way you do (or even I do-but he's honest and blunt and easily willing to say "ok no problem-I wouldn't do that in a million years but to each his own"
I treasure my marriage and my bf. 20 years with bf. 15 with husband.
HOWEVER-divorce isn't the only requirement and when my husband CHOSE toxic behavior-out of the house he went because I also treasure my children and their mental well being (and my own) and each adult person is responsible for maintaining those themselves and parents are responsible for maintaining a healthy environment for their children.
Fortunately-dh also treasures our marriage and he used that time apart to work on his shit and figure out WTF kept driving him to be a drama seeker (and maker).
Just because you love and treasure your commitment-
just because you hold yourself accountable to honor and abide your promises-
DOES NOT mean you aren't also accountable to uphold a level of expectations for reasonable, mature and responsible behavior by all parties.
In fact-I believe that part of healthy relationships is being able to say -dude that is some BULLSHIT you are catering to and creating there and I won't abide by it. YOU are free to continue that dysfunctional shit-but I advise you that if you choose to-I won't be joining you on that endeavor.
Allowing someone to continue dysfunctional behavior WITH you only creates a negative growth cycle for yourself-in which you grow more and more dysfunctional yourself-instead of continuing to grow and improve.
Toxic/dysfunctional relationships are created between toxic and dysfunctional PEOPLE. Not one person. It cant be a relationship unless both parties participate and if a person is choosing to participate-they are dysfunctional too...
Said-with all due respect-cause I was one of those people who let myself feel I couldn't set boundaries and standards and expectations for MY life that didn't mesh with what my husband was living-because of my commitment.
THEN I learned better and now our marriage is SO much stronger and SO much happier and SO much healthier.
"Love As Thou Wilt"